It's a complicated issue, and parents can feel wildly different about sleepovers, depending on experiences, cultural background, and community.

Childhood developmental experts argue sleepovers are an essential step toward independence. Also, sleepovers can help kids practice handling emotions and gain confidence if they're anxious. Sleepovers help them practice flexibility and give insight into family rituals other than their own.

One such expert, licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Ievers-Landis³, concurs⁴: "Learning flexibility is healthy for us humans," She explains⁴. "It's good to be exposed to different ways of doing things, different foods, different ways of having a meal and different ways of interacting. It's healthy to not always do things exactly the same way."

But parents are divided, at least on social media. Every time a parent posts about their no sleepover rule, they draw a slew of comments from people vehemently agreeing and others arguing these fears are entirely overblown.

Dr. Mitnaul⁵, a father and adolescent psychiatrist, says he doesn't allow children’s sleepovers. The reason he says no?

Through his work, he finds that when kids have stories about traumas, exposures, and inappropriate things happening to them, they occur in the corners of experiences for kids. By corners, he means when there is less adult supervision.

So, what are sleepover risks, and how can you manage them?

According to Dr. Mitnaul⁵, sleepovers can give kids an opportunity to get into things "that are way over their heads,² " access to inappropriate online connections, pornography, experimentation with alcohol or drugs (for teens), and even exposure to abuse. The shocking statistic that out of abused children, over 70%⁶ are abused by peers may play a part in his decision, too.

Other parents on TikTok advocating a no-sleepover rule mention the risk of gun violence.

If these risks concern you, but if you have fond memories from slumber parties and sleepovers and don't want your daughter to miss out, what can you do to minimize risks?

When kids are invited to stay overnight at a close friend's house, you may have no worries, but what if you barely know the parents? You'd love your daughter to enjoy a fun night, but your gut is unsure.

What should you do?

Darkness to Light⁷  has compiled⁸ eight questions to ask yourself:
1. Is my child mature enough to be away from home for one night?
2. Do I know this family well? If you haven't met the parents before, consider setting a coffee date first to get to know them.
3. Who will be there? Is there adult supervision? Are there teenagers present?
4. What's their house like? Will your child be comfortable and safe?
5. Can I address safety concerns with the parents? If not, you may want to reconsider.
6. What are my rules regarding movies and devices?
7. What safety scenarios should I put in place?
8. Would I like to check up on my child before bedtime, and how?

If answering these questions doesn't put your gut at rest, Darkness to Light⁷ advises you to trust it. If your gut says no, a sleepover won't work right now, but a play date or a sleepover at your house might work better.

What conversations should you have with your daughter without upsetting her if you go ahead?

Try to be honest, open, and proactive. Even if the situation hasn't arisen yet, you could chat about sleepovers and when you consider them appropriate.
Having a rule where your kids can only stay over at households you know, and trust might even cut down on any anxiety your daughter may have.

Use our expert tips for an ongoing conversation about consent and boundaries, and include a brief discussion on sleepovers. Talk compassionately and ask your daughter how she feels about specific rules so you can make agreements together.

Some of these could be:
• A plan to check in on your daughter during the sleepover.
• Allow her to call you anytime if she wants to come home. No questions asked.
• Come up with a code word she can use in an uncomfortable situation.
• If your daughter is anxious, devise a plan to build up to the sleepover by having longer playdates.
• Explain that she'll never have to stay somewhere uncomfortable, even if the parents are relatives or friends.

If you have decided to say nay to a kids’ sleepover but don't want your child to miss out on fun, why not suggest these alternatives?
• A sleepunder - kids can have all the fun of the sleepover but go home before bedtime.
• Organize a fun day activity- like going bowling or visiting the zoo.
• Have a family sleepover where the kids play together, and you can bond with the parents.

Sleepovers can be a fun rite of childhood, and child development experts say it's good for developing your daughter's independence. But what if you don't know the parents well and are unsure? Our guide reveals how to handle this situation, sleepover tips, and advice for an open conversation with your daughter.