Raising confident girls can be challenging for parents. As our girls turn from young kids to tweens, we see them growing up in a world that can have them managing unwanted (and impossible) expectations.

Data shows¹ that as puberty approaches, confidence in themselves plummets. Our once strong-willed and fiery little ones can lose their sense of self as they age into adolescents. When surveyed², tween and teen girls said they didn’t feel confident in the way they dress or in making new friends, and that they feel pressure to be perfect.

But there are ways parents and caregivers can help foster confidence in their girls. While there are a lot of changes that come with puberty and the tween/teen years, losing confidence does not have to be one of them.

Let’s dive into some expert-backed strategies families and support networks can use to help girls keep and build confidence in themselves.

Three out of four girls say they’re afraid of failure. This pressure can sometimes show up in perfectionism, or harsh criticism of self. Failing at something is OK, and there can be a lot to learn from failure. Helping young girls understand that having a growth mindset³ instead of a fixed mindset can help instill confidence in themselves and their abilities.

For example, if she gets a lower grade on a test or assignment, talk with her about why she thinks that happened. It’s best not to lead with shame or guilt. Saying things like “you need to try harder,” may unintentionally exacerbate feelings of perfectionism in her.

Instead, approach the situation with curiosity. “Why do you think you got a lower grade on this assignment?” Hear what she has to say and talk through solutions with her. Be there to support her in how she thinks she can improve or

As a parent, your influence stretches further than you may think. For example, when parents reported⁷ more significant control over their kids’ social media screen time - those kids spent less time online, made fewer appearance-related comparisons and noted overall better mental health.
          
Have an ongoing conversation about how all media can increase exposure to unrealistic beauty standards and lifestyle expectations. Keep an eye on her screen time and seek out helpful media.

Help your daughter develop critical thinking skills and teach her how to become media literate by watching media with her and analyzing the messages she’s receiving.

Jim Taylor⁸, author of Your Kids Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You, suggests⁹ letting your child help around the house. He says: ‘In building self-esteem, kids also need opportunities to demonstrate their competence and feel that their contribution is valuable.’

So why not turn Sunday dinner into a joint affair and ask your daughter what she wants to cook (with you)?

Positive affirmations can be a powerful mental health tool to boost self-esteem and motivation and help affect positive change. They are based on well-established psychological theory. One is the self-affirmation¹⁰ theory, which explains that people naturally use self-affirmation as a survival mechanism to maintain their self-worth when faced with threats (criticism, failing tests, etc.). According to the theory, when people use specific positive phrases regularly, they can restore self-competence by reflecting on their core values and self-belief.

Affirmations may be most effective if they’re realistic, specific, meaningful to you, possible, set in the present, and reflective of your core values. They must also be followed by action; change will only happen if you step towards it.

A good rule of thumb¹¹: Use “I can” rather than “I am.”

Recent research¹² indicated that playing with Barbies and Monster High dolls changed girls’ perceptions of the ideal body shape compared to playing with more realistically sized dolls like Lottie dolls.
        
If your daughter is younger, inspect her toys to see if they perpetuate unhealthy beauty standards, and encourage playing with toys that break stereotypes, like culturally diverse dolls, legos, and STEM sets. Consider adding toys or activities developed to build confidence, like our Confidence Bundle. It contains 21 books and resources for girls and their parents or caregivers!

Raising confident girls starts with meeting them where they’re at and encouraging their growth in healthy, understanding, and empathic ways. It certainly isn’t easy, but these tips can go a long way toward setting a girl on the right path.

Sources:
1: How Puberty Kills Girls' Confidence - The Atlantic
2: The Confidence Code for Girls x Ypulse
3: How to Nurture a Growth Mindset in Kids: 8 Best Activities
4: Girls & Sports - A Girl’s Index Impact Report
5:13 Ways to Boost Your Daughter's Self-Esteem
6: Anea Bogue
7: Body image in childhood
8: Books By Dr. Jim Taylor
9: 11 tips on building self-esteem in children - Today's Parent
10: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF‐DEFENSE: SELF‐AFFIRMATION THEORY
11: The Influence of Growth Mindset on the Mental Health and Life Events of College Students
12: Barbies May Do Damage That Realistic Dolls Can't Undo | Psychology Today